I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
