i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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