I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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