They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
