all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
