the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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