Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
