u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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