this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
