I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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