Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
