She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
