Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
