...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
