hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
