Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
