She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, beer. Big fan.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
