Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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