also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize