It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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