The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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