I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
