ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
