bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
