I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
