The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
