is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
