im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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