So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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