one might say we're banned from that church
if only i could text you this smell
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
