I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
