if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
