I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
