You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
