She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
