Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
