Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
