but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
