I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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