Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
