Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
