I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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