I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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