The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
