Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
