the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
