okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
