You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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