a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
