dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
