Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
