she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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