you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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