I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
