finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize