i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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