I bet he comes in French.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've blown a few things in my day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
