The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
