so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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