R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
