theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
