Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
