Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
