I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
